Breaking Distance

The last two weeks have been an absolute emotional roller coaster for me in the army, a trend I'm still unable to get used to.

Upon returning to base from guarding after the Tekes Hashba'ah, I was sent home on hamshush (Thursday exit) to spend time with my mother who had come to visit from South Africa. After not having seen her in over eight months, the week was an absolute treat for me.

Spending the week in Tel Aviv with my mom and brother could not have been a more enjoyable break from the stresses of army life. Unfortunately, every good thing must come to an end, and this was no exception.

While Darren had returned to base the previous day, I accompanied my mother to the train station, her trip to the airport and mine back to the army just beginning. While I had anticipated the shvizut (army depression) to an extent, I certainly wasn't expecting what came upon me. From the moment I sat down on the train and then again on the direct bus to the base, I was not in a good place.

Sitting, cold on an empty bus headed back to base on a Wednesday night to close the weekend is bad enough. Coming from a week in which I had spent quality time with family, something enormously difficult to come by these days...it was unbearably tough.

If one thing is plentiful in the army, it's time to think to yourself. Whether it's a two hour guarding shift in the middle of the night or a bus ride home, time to think is always readily available. As I sat and waited for the bus to stop on base, the self-reflection began. When you take a real, honest look within yourself, you don't always like what you see. This was one of those moments.

When I finally got back to base, I simply was not myself. I found it difficult to get back into the groove of things, the general army shtuyot (nonsense), despite the best efforts of my friends who genuinely missed me and cared about hearing details of my time off.

The reality checks that let us know it's not always smiles and cheers in the army can often hit hard, and this specific one hit the hardest. Despite the less-than-ideal attitude, I did try to make the very best of the remainder of the week. It was made easier by a surprise barbecue for my company before Shabbat, a bit of a morale booster for everyone.

Shabbat on base actually happened to be a refreshing break, giving me time to simply relax and enjoy being with friends. As soon as the sun set on Saturday and the week began once more, we were given more good news.

We are now one foot in the door of advanced training, being done with all of the tironut (basic training) weeks and beginning our advanced weeks of training. With that in mind, we were told that the basic training rules had been dropped for us and we would no longer be treated like new trainees. We now call our commanders by their first names, are not timed for every minuscule task, no longer sprint to the dining room, and are generally just treated in a more respectable manner.

The week itself was advanced shooting for the company, meaning advanced sharpshooting for me. Once more, I was at the shooting range for insane amounts of time each time, though this time it flew by much faster due to the change in attitude and rules.

Another pleasant surprise came towards the end of the week when my commander informed us that he had been chosen to leave to officer school. A tradition in the army when a commander leaves his soldiers is called “breaking distance”, the moment where he takes off the mask and talks to his soldiers like a normal person.

It was unusual at first to see the man who had been ordering us around and punishing us for three months suddenly joke around with us and talk to us like a normal nineteen year old. It's easy to forget that behind the job title, these guys really are kids my age who go through the same things as we do.

The light-hearted attitude around the company throughout the week certainly helped make things better for me throughout the week. I shook off the shvizut as best I could and by the time we were doing impressions of my commander to his unhidden laughter, I was actually enjoying being back and with my friends.

As Thursday came around, I left hamshush once more (now reaching an unheard of number for a combat soldier!), to a reunion with my Garin. It really was one of the best weekends I've had since enlisting in the army, seeing my “family” all together for the first time in months and celebrating Purim together. Things are certainly looking up.

I'm now heading back to base refreshed and reinvigorated, ready for the coming week in the shetach. A happy Purim to all those at home.