I understand that the usual excuses
for not writing on a timely fashion (being unusually busy, no access
to computers, etc) are tired and not entirely valid, so I'm going to
refrain from those. Rather, I'd like to do my best to justify my
absence to my readers, and myself if possible, in the most honest and
sincere way I know how.
The army, as I've tried to touch on
previously, is an experience full of ups and downs. As a combat
soldier, you physically and mentally exert yourself to the fullest on
a daily basis and can experience the highest of highs as well as the
lowest of lows. Your perspective on life and everything in it can
change two hundred times over the span of one day, or even over the
span of a two hour guard duty.
My point in mentioning this is that
you can often find yourself in a place you've never found yourself
before. You can learn things about yourself that quite frankly, you
never wanted to learn. This can and usually does cause many issues,
notably a significant decline in motivation, in the army as well as
other areas of your life.
I've found myself in somewhat of a
rough patch over the past few months.... Okay, in the spirit of being
honest with myself and my readers, there have been periods of time
over the past few months in which my shvizut (army
sadness), and general outlook on things have reached extremes and
there's no shame in admitting that at times, it's caused a bit of
depression. Any combat soldier who has spent months cooped up in an
outpost on a remote border doing static guard duty all day with no
sleep can relate to this. If he can't, he's usually lying.
With
this has come, as I've mentioned, a big lack of motivation which
reflects both in my army work and how I feel about it when I come
home for the always welcomed weekend off. I've been generally
reluctant to discuss the army with family and friends, as thinking
about it has just spurred on the negative feelings that I've been
having. Over the past few months, I've seen my time at home as a
complete break from everything and any army talk has been pushed far
out of the equation. Regretfully, that has included writing about my
experiences, despite this journal being followed by friends, family,
and strangers alike at home.
I've
thought about this issue quite a bit recently. With the ever-changing
perspectives that come with my army experience, I've learned from
these difficult lessons and moved forward a stronger person. I
understand that from darkness comes light and in true army roller
coaster fashion, much better experiences have emerged as a result of
the negative ones. I'm continuing to learn and grow as a soldier and
a man.
While
I regret that this blog has fallen by the wayside, I've decided to
revive it to the best of my ability for any of the readers still out
there. The good andthe bad, the sadness and the elation, I will be
documenting the rest of my service as honestly as I can. As a
blogger, it's important not only to earn back the trust of my
readers, but also rely on these posts once again as a form of
therapeutic reflection for myself as well.
I
have to apologize one last time, this time for the very negative tone
of this post. I assure you since the last time I've posted, there
have been plenty of joyous occasions and I will be filling in all of
the blanks.
Wishing
a perfect start of the summer to all of my readers and looking
forward to a new start.
-Brett
Proud of you no matter what. Thanks for posting!
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